da man speaks

Things been a bit hard for da man these last few weeks.

Started when da man's mum stopped really delivering enough food and whats more she seemed to be about less too.

So with them eyes working he went out to see what a man could do for himself.

Man it was a bit tuff out there when you are a little cat in a big cat world but when da going gets tuff well da man has to do what da man has to do.

Anyway he gets out into the world and he had make things for himself da man is after all a self made cat..

Now da man had always been aware of those human things, they were a bit of a pain really. Picking a man up when he was sleeping, mind you that stroking thing was THE thing, really hits the spot every time. And it's really easy to teach a human to do tricks like that, he was starting to see a cat might keep a human . sort of a big pet, so long as you train them they are OK.

And then it happened the big human came out and there was food everywhere, you can keep that milk stuff too this was the real gear. And da man realised there was a human with a food fountain and all those other stoopid cats had not grabbed that human. Da man didn't hang round waiting for the stoopids "thats one's mine " he thought.

Anytime, his human came out da man was there. Trouble was he was soo bloody quick, da man couldn't allways catch him but when you did, ohh man he knows how to treat a kitten...

"Thats the human for me".

Then when da man thought he had cracked the human hutch da man well something baaad happened an da man well it's a bit of a blur really but his human took him in one of those ratlle things to a funny room. Man that was weird shit, first of all this human tied his leg that had stopped working to him then next time he went there he had this really weird sleep and when he woke up his leg had gone completly and he was back in the human place too and da man don't know how he got there either. Now da man knows the deal OK that was a bad shit situation, he ain't going back there anytime soon.

But he did find other things too, you can teach humans to stroke you and I mean really stoke you and if you can get in their baskets, yeah makes the warmest part of the garden like sitting in the rain...

But all in all it's been a shit day.

Really shit and sleepy, still he soon taught his human to carry hi round and he got some good stroking.

That stoopid human sticking food at him on some strange steel thing these humans can be strange.

What manners, da man knows you eat off the floor.

And he told him and told him and told him and still that human didn't get it was tea time - they make the stoopids look quite bright sometimes these humans.

Still the human got it in the end.

But catch this one, get your food delivered in the human hutch and the stopids don't get a look in.

Whats more - give them that them humans they know how to eat, no more cat food for da man.

Well Ok da man can have cat food as well as human food life is looking up.

Now all da man has to do is teach that human to feed him in his hutch every day.

And, this could be kinda tricky, he needs to teach the human to feeed da man as much as he feeds all the stoopids.

I mean his man still has to feed the stoopids, they get kinda crotchety when they are hungry and da man would not want them getting into the hutch where da man keeps his human....