Which one is Noah??

Now we live in the country, 750 feet up a mountain. Look up our address on floodwatch and the risk is so low there isn't any.

So I must have upset the big guy somewhere as last night we had a flood of biblical proportions.

It started when Perfecto found his Kitchen under water. Quickly re clearing a drain on the drive cured that but left me soaked.

I staggered back into the house to find a scene of carnage developing quickly.

I thought I had misheard when management said we had a flood but a trip into the living room revealed a scene of growing devastation.

"Make pumps one living room!" I shouted mainly because I had always fancied doing that and knowing that the kids would know what it meant and it would be the fastest way to cause play stations and laptops to be abandoned as everyone came to see what was going on.

Within minutes we had GG buckets and every towel in the house deployed on the inside with Branwen and big D working hard with management in charge. Meanwhile, Taliesin and I were in full fire gear outside, in the tempest, diverting the torrent that was raging down off our fields with light provided of course by something large, green with an orange stripe.

We did debate building a dam to protect the kitchen using the debris sheet and lots of hose but by then Taliesin and I had things under control outside and water was running towards an existing land drain I put in a few years back.

The internet is nothing if not useful and as it happened one of my mates who has just be made up to station officer was online and I was able to bring him up to speed. I explained how water was running down off the fields and hitting the building at a point where the outside was higher than the inside. His advice "you are f******* then" was slightly less than useful. But by then we had the problem properly under control.

Of course, there has to be an angle and it turned out that whilst Taliesin and I were outside in the raging storm management and the rest were gorging themselves on nibbles that she had brought back with her on the weekly tesc.

A trip only just completed due to phenominal quantities of water running down every road.

This morning, all was transformed, a different place, me, I am gutted. I have just heard there were pumping opertunities errrrh floods everywhere. We could have been playing for hours.

Still that would have meant that managements new bath would not be fitted and I would not own the moral high ground...

R